YOU HAD MAJOR SURGERY!
This is essentially what I have been hearing from everyone and what I have been telling myself for the past six months. Can you believe it’s been that long? I can’t. Part of my disbelief lies in the recesses of my mind–I have a girl and we are both incredibly lucky to be alive.
Fast forward to the “real” world where I compare myself to the Americanized ideal image of the typical mom at six months postpartum. Here is where I get vain, frustrated, and sometimes downright depressed. My main problem with my body right now is that I can’t wear anything but yoga pants, maternity clothes, or my larger workout clothes. Everything else is snug to the point of hurting my scar or giving me the most horrid muffin top in the universe. I don’t recall ever being this doughy, and if I have been before, I must have blocked that from my memory.
I try not to dwell on my body image, but when I’m staring down a closet full of things I can’t wear yet and I have to get dressed for real twice a week, it’s hard not to. It’s not like I’m not trying to keep myself healthy. I started teaching again three months ago so I get my exercise. I’m still exclusively breastfeeding.
I’m just not slimming down like I hoped. But I know I have things like MAJOR SUGERY and age working against me. I imagine that having a vertical incision takes longer to heal. It surely made for an ugly scar on my already wrecked abdomen.
I think I’ll just suck it up and go shopping at Goodwill. Maybe I can find some mumus and over-sized sweatpants to wear until I get over myself.