He had me at “Ear Massage”
Posted by: LizzieSo for Christmas, my mother-in-law gave me a gift certificate for my favorite spa, which I cashed in for a 90-minute massage. I had not originally planned on getting my massage yesterday, but after lying around on the living room floor, letting Timothy crawl all over me while I was on the verge of tears over how tired I was, I decided to call and see when the soonest appointment was. It was either that or beg Jamie to take a nap, and I don’t know if that would have helped.
On the phone with the spa, the girl asked:
“Does it matter if it’s a male or female [masseuse]?”
UH. NO.
“Ok, well, we can fit you in this afternoon at 5:00. Is that ok?”
HELLS TO THE YES.
I took it. I immediately texted Jamie to make sure he knew what was up. Thing was, I had not yet taken a shower, and it was 2:30 in the afternoon. Simon was to be going with his Mimi (my MIL) to get a haircut at 4:00, so I had to make a plan. As soon as Timothy woke from his third or fourth 15-minute nap of the day, I was going to strap him into the bouncy seat (which I know he’s too big for, but he can’t get out of it yet like he can the bumbo seat). Then I was going to get in the shower so I can shave and wash my hair.
Why is it that I will only shave if I am wearing a dress or if a stranger is touching me? I feel sorry for Jamie. Cause I used to shave for him and now I honestly don’t care. I LOVE YOU HONEY.
I was almost done with my shower (3:30) when Simon burst into the bathroom saying, “Mimi’s here!!!” And I’m all CRAP because I had not picked up the clothes Simon had peed in or folded the mountain of laundry that is threatening to consume the living room. She knows that I’m a shitty housekeeper, but I have to make it look a little less shitty than it normally is if she’s going to actually be in my house. I finished my shower in haste and then helped Simon get socks and shoes on so he could leave.
At the spa, my masseuse was one I’ve had before, but only when I was pregnant and he did a foot massage. I remember that he had tiny baby hands that remind me of those SNL skits where they’re doing the Lawrence Welk show, and I hoped that I wouldn’t be thinking constantly of the baby hands while he was massaging me, cause that would totally ruin it. I have this problem with clearing my mind and relaxing anyway. Baby hand weren’t going to help.
When you get a massage, you have the option of leaving your underpants on, but I figured, why bother? So here I was, lying completely uninhibited by clothing, getting rubbed up by a baby-handed masseuse, and I actually started relaxing. It was amazing. It took a good thirty minutes for me to finally let go, but I guess that’s normal. I have sciatica on my right side and when he was doing the leg massage, I whimpered like a little girl, flinching if he got too close to the offending nerve. Thankfully, he was gentle on that side and I was glad for a little bit of relief from what is usually an extraordinary amount of discomfort.
I’ve never had a 90-minute massage–I’ve only had 30-minute ones. Let me tell you: I’m never going back to those 30-minute jokes of a massage. By the time my masseuse got to my head, I was a big lump of postpartum goo. He started doing this thing where he pulled on my ears and massaged my scalp that sent sensations down my spine that I have never, ever felt before. I wanted to be like OMG DO IT AGAIN, and I wonder if that’s what dogs and cats feel when we scratch their heads. The first part of my massage was great, yes, but my favorite part was the ears and scalp.
I looked like one hot mess when I was done, too. My hair was all messed up from where he was pulling it and I regret not taking a picture of myself in the mirror before I combed it back down.
The drive home was lovely. But when I arrived home, it was nearly bedtime. The boys were still just as ornery as they always are in the evenings. All that tension quickly returned and I wished, oh, how I wished I had stayed away just a little while longer.
A word of advice: don’t go get a massage and then come home to a houseful of arguing children. It’s not quite worth it. Unless you get your ears massaged, of course.
Tags: massages, personal, random stuff
January 15th, 2010 at 12:18 pm
Sounds like you had an awesome experience – you make me want a 90 minute pro massage now. My husbands massages suck, so I am need! Too funny about shaving, I only do it for the same reasons. Lately I have been shaving every so often for hubby but only because he requested it. I was thinking, geez I must be really bad if he goes out of his way to request it occur once in awhile, lol!
January 15th, 2010 at 3:32 pm
Massages are most awesome – glad you had a good experience . . . . but, really, you don’t shave for your husband? I know he loves you anyway but, he is the most important person in your life. Doesn’t he rate a shave?? Besides, the few extra minutes in the hot shower can’t be all bad – when you get the chance. A nice hot shower before bed provides warmth & relaxation.
January 17th, 2010 at 9:55 pm
I’m giggling uncontrollably about the SNL tiny baby hands. I’m so glad you were able to relax…at least for 90 min.
January 18th, 2010 at 2:21 am
oh my I’m goo just reading that……. dreaming of a massage. I’m gonna have to make that happen. soon. And I’m not shaving out of “solidarity” to my dh being gone and all. yep. that, and it’s been so cold outside! I look fwd to shaving one day soon….
February 13th, 2010 at 5:43 pm
Funny story. I’ve only had one massage and I was so tensed up by the event that I’ve never gone back. No reflection on the masseuse, I just couldn’t relax. I wonder if underpants would have helped, lol.
Lois