a little disappointment never hurt anyone

14 Apr

a little disappointment never hurt anyone

Posted by: Lizzie

Today, I would’ve been getting excited about day two of my second Get Together. Unfortunately, not one person out of the almost 50 people I invited RSVP’d “yes”. Not one.

So we’ve postponed the Get Together until May. I’m rather disappointed because I was looking forward to my extravaganza. I’m also disappointed because out of the almost 50 people I invited, only 12 people even bothered to reply to the evite. They were all no’s of course, but the other 30-something people could have at least zipped me an email to say maybe.

That’s how it goes, though, right?

I’m not saying I’m the best at remembering to RSVP, but I’m definitely going to make an effort from now on. Because I realize how important it is when you’re planning something to know how many people are going to be there. Quite simple, isn’t it?

On to different things…

My conversation with my SIL over the weekend left me quite bitter and I’m still unable to see things from her point of view. I have a feeling that I probably never will, so I’m trying to rationalize a way to be pleasant around her for the next year. The lactivist inside of me is hopping mad and dying to point fingers, send informational articles, and quote various breastfeeding facts whenever she’s around. The sister in me, however, wants to be supportive and loving no matter what she decides. Guess who’s winning?

Part of it is my personality. I get it from my dad–the need to be “right” all the time is an underlying vice that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to disinherit. I’d love to blame it on being a Scorpio, too. To the Scorpio traits, I’ll attribute my deep passion and the fact that I feel personally rejected when someone doesn’t see things my way; it’s not an attack on me, just a disagreement with my point-of-view. It’s hard for me not to express my disappointment, even if it’s in a passive-agressive way. I have the tendency to turn cold and silent when I’m angry; I’ll save it all up and vent to Jamie or in my journals, never really expressing what I feel when I am in the moment.

Where does this leave me?

I don’t know.

I’ll make myself available if she needs help. I’ll be the best sister-in-law I can be after this baby is born. I’ll make casseroles and come sweep her kitchen. I’ll do her dishes and help with the laundry. But I’ll try not to be intrusive. I’ll try not to butt in where I’m not wanted. I’ll stop coming if she tells me she doesn’t want any help.

It’s just so HARD.

In the meantime, I’ll work on my LLL leadership application. I’ll focus on mothers who actually want my help. I’ll buy my lactivist shirts and wear them proudly. I’ll nurse in public. I’ll sing the praises of breastfeeding to whoever WANTS to hear them.