Suzy Q Homemaker

I talk about this a lot amongst my peers.  People have asked me what I want to “do” with my music.  I’m three years out of my vocal performance degree and aside from my church section leader job, the occasional solo gig, and numerous opportunities to sing with impromptu chamber groups within the church, I haven’t really “done” anything.  Since I graduated, I have had one headliner gig where I got to choose the repertoire, a couple solo appearances for major choral works (one complete work, the others were excerpts), and featured solos on choral pieces in church choir concerts.  I’ve also done a handful of weddings.  The biggest paying gig was the Duruflé Requiem earlier this year that I wish I could un-sing.  I could blame the flu I was trying to recover from and the fact that I was enormously pregnant, but in all actuality, I was a nervous wreck because of those things and ended up gurgling my way through the first page of my solo.  UGH.

Back to the issue at hand.

My dream job.  What I would love more than anything in the whole world is to be teamed up with a few like-minded singers in a group like Anonymous 4 or Trio Medieval.  Whenever I listen to these musicians, I weep.  The first time I heard Anonymous 4, and every time since, I get goose pimples and I am completely carried away by their flawless ensemble.

And I’m jealous!  While I like soloing, I really don’t enjoy being the “star” of anything.  I’ve been shoved into the spotlight over and over but in all actuality, I want to be a part of a team.  I just don’t know how to make it happen.  All I’ve done over the past few years, aside from having babies of course, is wish that an opportunity would fall into my lap.

Putting together a solo or joint program is hard.  I have a problem with self-motivation because I’ve been so used to other people telling me where to be and when.  If I didn’t have someone on my tail all the time, I would probably never practice.  I like having someone else run the show.  Maybe I’m just lazy? In any event, I would rather be a part of an ensemble so that we could have a rehearsal schedule, performance schedule, and I would only have to worry about making sure my part was learned and that I was in good vocal health.  I don’t like deciding on my own repertoire or trying to coordinate schedules.  With two small children, it’s insanely difficult for me to ask for help anyway, and I’d rather someone just tell me when to be somewhere so I can find a babysitter based on a prearranged timeline.

I ramble, I ramble.

So how did these small ensembles get together?  Where do I sign up for being in a small ensemble and actually be able to pay off my student loans with that money?

Musically, I’m stuck.  And I don’t know how to get out of this rut.  I love my church choir, we have fantastic performance opportunities, but I’m singing for peanuts and if Jamie loses his job, we’re totally screwed.