Setting: The kitchen. Jamie is cooking pancakes and I am trying to drink my first cup of coffee.
Jamie: Hey, do you know the chorus to “Hungry Eyes”?
Me: [hysterical laughter] WHAT??
Jamie explains that he has the song stuck in his head but cannot remember the words. The only lyrics that he can put together are:
Jamie: “I smell the magic between your thighs.”
After much laughing, near spilling of coffee and the threat of wetting myself, I reveal the actual lyrics:
Me: “I feel the magic between you and I.”
You know, I like his lyrics better. Best alternate lyrics to a terrible 80′s song ever.
A conversation with Aiden from last week.
Me: Aiden, what did you have for lunch today?
Aiden: Ummm, some chocolate milk, and um…
Me: Wait. Let me guess…a hot dog?
Aiden: Nope!
Me: A hamburger?
Aiden: Yep!
Me: Is that why it looks like it exploded all over your shirt? Did you drip ketchup?
Aiden: No, I put like five packets of ketchup on my hamburger and then I put the top on and SMASHED IT DOWN LIKE THIS.
[Aiden demonstrates by pounding his fists onto an imaginary hamburger]
Ten points to whoever guesses what color shirt he was wearing.
Jamie and I like to have pretend fights where he is The Man of the House and I am the Woman. I realize that this might be offensive if it was taken out of context, but it was hilarious to us.
Me: Today is a good “bath” day.
Him: What do you mean?
Me: Like, it’s all rainy and gloomy. A good day for sitting in the bath and reading a book.
Him: Well, if you stop getting all knocked up all the time, we might be able to secure the time to take a bath.
Me: Who says you’re invited to my bath?
Him: Who says I would let you take a bath by yourself even if I wasn’t invited? Yes, I said “let” because I’m the MAN.
Me: I didn’t realize I needed your PERMISSION to take a bath.
And then I punched him in the face.
The End.
Here is a non-metaphorical conversation we had while Jamie was making dinner. For the record, neither one of us have ever cooked, let alone eaten fish tacos. They were on the e-Mealz menu for the week so we thought we’d give it a go.
Before Jamie asked me this question, we made plenty of jokes about eating fish tacos and how he was going to make a “Zesty Sauce” out of mayonnaise.
Jamie: Do you want to taste my zesty sauce before I spread it all over your fish taco?
Me: Eh, ok?
(I taste the sauce)
Me: You know I’m going to blog about this right?
Jamie: That’s why I asked.
Last night Jamie and I were talking about our family’s future. I mentioned that if we were to have another baby, we would have to wait until after Disneyworld. Then Jamie was like, but I’ll be 30 next year. And I was like, so? And he was like, I don’t want to have any more babies after I’m 30.
so.
I said, well, if we were to get pregnant as soon as we got home from Disneyworld (cause who can get pregnant AT Disneyworld?), then the baby would be due sometime in November or early December. Or if we got pregnant in early March or something, you know?
He thought about it for a minute and said, it’s March now.
And I said, so?
Then he said, that would give you a two month break before we left for Disneyworld.
HAHAHAHAHAHA.
