Thermometer Turds
Posted by: LizzieSo yesterday was exciting! It all started in the wee hours of the morning, say, 2:00 a.m.? Yeah, I think that’s right. Timothy decided that he really wouldn’t like to sleep. Instead, he wanted to fuss and burp and have Jamie walk him around the house until it was time for showers and coffee. After the boys got on the bus and I had some coffee of my own, Timothy woke up with a fever. JOY!! It wasn’t terribly high–101.7, but he was so miserable that I gave him a dose of medicine, which he immediately vomited all over the kitchen. I don’t blame him for puking because I’m not a fan of artificial grape flavoring either. It reminds me of Now ‘n Laters, which remind me of being in fifth grade on the bus back when our bus driver was allowed to give us candy on Fridays. A friend of mine loved Now ‘n Laters, especially banana ones. Not once, but twice she pulled out a tooth with a banana Now ‘n Later and I’ll never forget the look of horror in her eyes as blood and banana-flavored drool oozed from her mouth. After that, we weren’t allowed to eat candy on the bus.
Anyway, grape flavoring. Timothy hates it so I’m thinking maybe we should just get suppositories.
That brings me to the second part of this story. Since Timothy felt warmer than the common fever should feel, I opted for the rectal thermometer so I could get a more accurate reading. Thing is, Timothy hadn’t pooped in a few days. He’s a once-a-week pooper and it was due time. I had to get the temperature, though, and I thought, “Well, if he’s going to poop on the thermometer, it’s a risk I have to take.” And that reminded me of when my friend Beth was telling me about her daughter pooping on the thermometer when she was running a fever. It was a great story, and I liked it because in all the years of taking babies’ temperatures in their butts, I had never had one poop on me.
I got the thermometer all lubed up with vaseline and got Timothy un-diapered and in The Position. As I waited for the temperature reading, he farted a couple times, and I was all, HM. Then he started grunting and I was all, OH CRAP HERE IT COMES. So he was mad because I was holding his legs up while he was trying to poop and I had the thermometer in one hand which was now covered in baby turds. I let him poop as much as he could on the clean diaper I had lying beneath him, then got out another diaper to put on him.
After I cleaned off the thermometer and dumped the tiny little poop in the toilet, it was time to nurse. I gave Timothy more medicine because his temperature was up to 104.7 (no puke this time!) and we settled onto the couch for nursies. Wouldn’t you know that he wasn’t done pooping? No, sir, he let loose an ungodly amount of bodily waste that, if it wasn’t for the awesome snappi job I did on his prefold, would have shot up the back of his pants. I was grateful that he finished his weekly elimination, but I wish there wasn’t always so much drama surrounding the arrival of baby feces.
Tags: family life, poop, timothy
October 28th, 2009 at 8:41 am
Hahahahaha. I don’t know what to say. I’m not sure I’m glad it happened to you, but I take delight in your retelling of the event.