Yoga Mat? Check. Water? Check. Blackberry? WTF.
Posted by: LizzieI’ve been trying to compose this story all evening. I should have anticipated another bizarre experience at the gym. It was the off-night for Zumba class (read: boring teacher), but I needed to go, and as usual, I was expecting relief afterward with the usual yoga teacher. The last time I took that awful Zumba class, we had a sub for yoga, so I was like, “Surely this cannot happen again!”
BUT IT DID.
This time it wasn’t some crazy lady that called out stupid stuff like CANOE or telling us we can bind poses if we “so desire”. No, this time we were (barely) greeted by a short, slightly overweight dude who used a playlist I can only describe as Depressing Indie Film. Slow-paced Modest Mouse tunes and other songs I’m sure Jamie could have identified made me feel sadder and sadder as the class went on. I was confused by the music, but even more confused by the fact that the guy taught with his eyes closed the entire time! He may have peeked at us occasionally. Every time I looked at him, though (and he was facing us), he seemed to be lost in some deep reverie as he asked us to FLOAT into PLANK.
“Floating” was his word of the night, used to describe how we were to maneuver our mostly out-of-shape bodies into whatever contortions he felt like calling out. Granted, I wasn’t uncomfortable with any of his poses. No, I was so distracted by the music and the fact that we were supposed to be floating around that I have no idea whether or not I benefited from this class at all.
As the class came to a close and we were relaxing to some strange thing by the Shins or something, I almost cried. Was this the part in the movie where I rolled up my mat, hopped in my minivan and got hit by a tractor-trailer hauling a load of plywood? Or maybe I was supposed to suddenly have my mental breakdown, change my identity, and leave the country to go sing in the pubs of Ireland. Cause that’s what happens in those sad Indie movies, right?
Either way, we said our Namaste and I noticed as I rolled up my mat that my teacher leaned over and checked the Blackberry he had sitting right next to his mat.
Yeah.
Tags: Yoga
